Where Is Our Desire And Love?
Helen Fisher in her book, “Why We Love” went on a hunt for love in the brain using functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (Fmri) technology. She could not isolate and find “love” in any specific center of the brain. What she did find out in her research is the specific areas for desire, romance, and attachment. More importantly, she found that all three of these specific areas have two chemicals that are released into the body when stimulated in the brain. And most importantly, all three areas work independently of each other!
While we are all familiar with “falling in love,” which is the super chemical cocktail of all six being activated and in alignment at the same time. When we fall “out of love” it is perfectly normal for the same person to lose the ability to keep up that high level of stimulation.
Attachment is the left over and is the bond that keeps us together.
It is perfectly natural to feel an attachment to one partner and a desire for another. It is also natural to feel an attachment for a few, romance for a few more and desire for many.
The lesson is how we handle and normalize this within our marriages. Desire is the natural force that keeps us in motion. When we no longer want anything, we die. Desire is what motivates us to seek food when hungry and companionship when lonely. It also drives us work to in order to consume products and services we want.
Romance is the filtering of desire into what we really want.
Yes that cute guy or gal at the supermarket catching our eye, sparks our desire. Most of the time it fades just as fast. Romance is the next step where we actually talk to that person, trade contact information and test out how compatible we are together. After few years of marriage, romance is also the gateway to the emotional affair. This is where we find someone to confess all the truths too that we cannot share with our partner.
Attachment forms after prolonged and successful romantic involvement. We have an attachment to our children after one night of desire and 9 months of romantically waiting for their arrival. After your second child arrives you can truly come to appreciate love and attachment. Which child do you love more? Love is infinite and abundant, no matter how many children you conceive, adopt, or bond with thru other means.
Check in next week for Solution Part 1 of Conversation 2: Where Is Our Desire And Love?