Fighting over Stupid Sh!t
Stage 1 Emotional Disconnection: Communication Breakdown
Stress breaks an emotional connection.
A small stress like an accident or a bad day at work will usually resolve itself quickly. The partners will reconnect by taking loving effort, and the relationship will continue.
A significant stress will not resolve itself, and a resentment will form in one partner that blocks the reconnection process.
The biggest pressures I see in my practice are:
1. First baby (0-2 years old)
2. The 2nd or 3rd child pushing a couple to the breaking point
3. A Mother-in-law influencing one partner
4. You do not feel like a “Priority” to your spouse
5. Career Stress, changing job or added responsibilities
Babies cry when their needs are unmet because they cannot express themselves verbally. “Mother, may I please have a warm bottle of milk?”
Adults have needs, and if they are not aware of what they are and how to ask for them, they do not cry. They pick an argument. We learn at a very early age that being “bad” is the fastest way to get attention because being “good” goes unnoticed and you feel taken for granted.
BS arguments show up as complaints:
- You didn’t do the dishes
- You never want to have sex
- You spend too much time with your hobbies
- You never take me out for a date
- You never get my flowers
- What are we doing this weekend?
These arguments are “bids” for attention. “Hey, pay attention to me, I need to feel loved, like a priority, important, and valued by YOU!”
Most marriage counselors go straight into dispute resolution and start trying to solve each and every one of these problems. That’s why it takes so long and is unsuccessful!
As a marriage coach, I can sort the BS from the real and see it for what is is a bid for attention. I will raise your awareness to see that thru the BS and give your partner some loving effort in his personal love language.
Then 95% of the BS arguments magically disappear, and you both feel great again!
Then I will raise the awareness of both of you so can ask for your emotional needs to be met in loving positive ways that will not trigger the other partner to argument and anger.
The vast majority of clients are not “broken” and do not have a diagnosable mental condition. You are missing a skill. If your parents did not the role model and taught you, this skills it’s not your fault.
You do not know what you do not know.
Call me today to schedule your first session, and you will be amazed at how easy it is to stop marital fighting with my Emotionally Connected Couples Coaching (EC3)!