Stage 3: Stay or Go
I am done!
Stage 1 is the breakdown of emotional connection.
Stage 2 is the betrayal to find it elsewhere or the avoidance of the lack of intimacy.
Stage 3 is the discernment of I am done, should I stay or should I go and end the marriage?
How do you decide?
Stage 3 is the hardest step to apply Emotional Connected Couples Coaching (EC3) because, by the very definition, one partner is done taking action to save the marriage.
The relationship enters purgatory. It may feel like a friendship or “roommates, ” but the passion is gone. You’ve lost that loving feeling, and both partners are at a loss as to how to bring it back.
Neither of you wants to go thru the hell of divorce and nor put the effort back into the relationship to raising it back up to heavenly bliss.
There are usually many resentments built up from a series of betrayals and avoidance that it all seems hopeless. If you were newly married or just in a relationship, you would have broken up a long time ago.
There is still one green leaf left of the tree of marriage, the children.
You do not want to stay together solely for the sake of raising children, but they are the one and only reason why either of you might still find an ounce of loving effort and attention to give to each other.
Divorce will not solve any issues. It adds more to the extensive list that you are both battling over already. The core skill of being aware of the emotional needs of the relationship still needs to be learned.
If you cannot save this relationship, you need to be able to maintain the emotional climate of your next relationship. Otherwise, you are doomed to repeat this lesson in all relationships until you learn it.
Will it work?
Can it be saved?
I do not know. These are the hardest couples to work with because they are entrenched. Like two beggars on the street trying to steal from each and getting upset that neither has any money.
I will show you how to work together to meet each other’s emotional needs and if you both can do that in one small, unique and compelling way, restore hope and the relationship my sprout more green leaves.
With time, building on each small, consistent success, flowers of love will bud and bloom again.
The worst case scenario is that nothing helps and you both still decide that divorce is the best option. If you clear up your past resentments, you will be able to divorce and co-parent with a clear conscious and mutual respect for the other person.
Once you have children, you can never completely remove this other person from your life as the love of your kids will consistently bring you back together.
Going thru the EC3 program will give you the clarity to know that you did all you could to save the relationship before making the ultimate decision to divorce. The peace of mind of knowing is priceless.
Call me right now to schedule your first session, and you will be amazed at how big of a shift you can both feel after the first Emotionally Connected Couples Coaching (EC3) session!