---
title: "Am I Micro Cheating? A Quick Self Check | Parent Marriage"
url: https://parentmarriage.com/micro-cheating-self-check
description: "A quick micro cheating self check: 8 honest questions about your phone, your feed and your friendships. A conversation starter, not a diagnostic test."
lang: en
---

8 Honest Questions

# Am I Micro Cheating? A Quick Self Check

This takes about 2 minutes. Answer for your own phone, your own feed and your own friendships over the last month. Not your spouse's.

Image: A red paper heart beside 3 old keys on a wooden table (https://parentmarriage.com/assets/toys-and-keys-2024-09-25-23-18-04-utc-Medium-CoLOe7RE.jpeg)

Micro cheating rarely feels like cheating while you are doing it. It feels like an inside joke, a quick like, a friend who gets it. That is the boiling frog problem: the heat turns up slowly, and the line is hard to see and harder to admit once you have crossed it.

This check asks about behaviors, not intentions. It is not a diagnostic instrument and it cannot tell you whether anyone cheated. It can show you where secrecy has started doing the work, because the secrecy is the warning sign, not the size of any single act.

## Take the self check

\1. I like or comment on provocative photos of people I do not actually know.

\2. I send a direct message just to see if someone answers.

\3. I delete a text thread or hide a chat to avoid drama.

\4. When I need comfort or a boost, I look outside my marriage before I look inside it.

\5. There is someone I call just a friend whom I would rather my spouse did not ask about.

\6. I vent about my spouse to someone I find attractive.

\7. I check the same person's social feed more often than I would admit.

\8. I share inside jokes with a coworker that I would not explain at home.

Answer all 8 statements to see your result.

## How to read your score

The score counts gray line habits, so lower is better. 0 does not make you a saint and 16 does not make you a cheater. Look at the individual statements before you look at the total.

Pick the statement you would least like to explain to your spouse. That is the one that matters. The rule is simple: if an interaction feels like something you need to hide, bring it into the open.

## If you are worried about your spouse

Do not score your spouse and slide the result across the table. That turns a conversation into a trial, and nobody wins a trial at home. Take it yourself first, then ask your spouse to take it on their own.

Then write your marriage fire code together. Decide out loud what crossing the line means for friends, coworkers, exes, likes, follows and messages. The full story is in micro cheating: the affair you didn't see coming (https://parentmarriage.com/micro-cheating). If it has already gone past likes and messages, take the emotional affair self check (https://parentmarriage.com/emotional-affair-self-check) or read how to save a marriage after an emotional affair (https://parentmarriage.com/how-to-save-a-marriage-from-an-emotional-affair).

## Where coaching fits

I am a coach, not a licensed therapist, and I do not diagnose or treat mental illness. Physical, sexual or mental abuse, an active addiction, or a mental health condition belongs with a licensed professional.

If this check turned up a pattern you would rather not explain at home, book the free 25 minute consultation (https://parentmarriage.com/talk-to-marriage-coach). Bring the 2 statements you scored highest. That is enough to start a useful conversation.

## Questions couples ask

### Is micro cheating really cheating?

It is not an affair, and it is not nothing. Micro cheating is the small stuff that moves intimacy outside your marriage: secret chats, deleted threads, comfort you go looking for somewhere else. Left alone, it is how emotional affairs usually start.

### Is this a diagnostic test?

No. It is a short conversation starter about habits. It does not prove or rule out an affair, and it does not identify any mental health condition.

### Should my spouse take it too?

Yes, on their own. Then compare the statements, not the totals. The useful part is finding which behaviors one of you thinks are fine and the other does not.

### What counts as crossing the line?

That is for the 2 of you to decide, out loud, before someone tests it. Every couple needs its own fire code for friends, coworkers, exes and social media.

Book a free call: https://parentmarriage.com/book

Book a consultation

## 25 minutes. _Honest answer._

Tell me what's going on and I'll tell you honestly whether I can help. No pressure, no sales pitch.

Book a free call (https://parentmarriage.com/book)

Or call 305.986.2905 (+13059862905)

## Structured data

```json
[
  {
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@type": "LocalBusiness",
    "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#business",
    "name": "Parent Marriage Coaching",
    "description": "Emotionally Connected Couples and Marriage Coaching for parents. Miami office and by video across the U.S.",
    "url": "https://parentmarriage.com",
    "telephone": "+1-305-986-2905",
    "email": "Matt@ParentMarriage.com",
    "image": "https://parentmarriage.com/favicon.png",
    "priceRange": "$$",
    "address": {
      "@type": "PostalAddress",
      "streetAddress": "12755 SW 116th Terrace",
      "addressLocality": "Miami",
      "addressRegion": "FL",
      "postalCode": "33186",
      "addressCountry": "US"
    },
    "geo": {
      "@type": "GeoCoordinates",
      "latitude": 25.6599319,
      "longitude": -80.4012802
    },
    "areaServed": {
      "@type": "AdministrativeArea",
      "name": "Miami-Dade County, FL"
    },
    "founder": {
      "@type": "Person",
      "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#matthew"
    }
  },
  {
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@type": "Person",
    "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#matthew",
    "name": "Matthew W. Hoelscher",
    "jobTitle": "Marriage Coach",
    "url": "https://parentmarriage.com/matthew-hoelscher",
    "worksFor": {
      "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#business"
    },
    "hasCredential": [
      {
        "@type": "EducationalOccupationalCredential",
        "name": "Professional Certified Coach (PCC)",
        "credentialCategory": "certification",
        "recognizedBy": {
          "@type": "Organization",
          "name": "International Coaching Federation"
        }
      },
      {
        "@type": "EducationalOccupationalCredential",
        "name": "EQ-i 2.0 Certified Assessor",
        "credentialCategory": "certification",
        "recognizedBy": {
          "@type": "Organization",
          "name": "MHS Assessments"
        }
      }
    ],
    "alumniOf": [
      {
        "@type": "CollegeOrUniversity",
        "name": "Iowa State University"
      },
      {
        "@type": "CollegeOrUniversity",
        "name": "University of Miami"
      }
    ]
  },
  {
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@type": "MedicalBusiness",
    "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#practice",
    "name": "Parent Marriage Coaching",
    "url": "https://parentmarriage.com",
    "description": "Emotionally Connected Couples and Marriage Coaching for parents. Coaching, not therapy. Miami office and by video across the U.S.",
    "areaServed": [
      {
        "@type": "City",
        "name": "Miami",
        "containedInPlace": {
          "@type": "State",
          "name": "Florida"
        }
      },
      {
        "@type": "AdministrativeArea",
        "name": "Miami-Dade County, FL"
      }
    ],
    "availableLanguage": {
      "@type": "Language",
      "name": "English"
    },
    "medicalSpecialty": "Marriage and Couples Coaching",
    "serviceType": [
      "Marriage coaching",
      "Couples coaching",
      "Relationship coaching",
      "Premarital coaching",
      "Discernment coaching",
      "Marathon Intensive coaching session"
    ],
    "provider": {
      "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#matthew"
    }
  },
  [
    {
      "@context": "https://schema.org",
      "@type": "Service",
      "serviceType": "First-Time Discovery Call",
      "provider": {
        "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#business"
      },
      "areaServed": {
        "@type": "AdministrativeArea",
        "name": "Miami-Dade County, FL"
      },
      "description": "The welcome call for first timers only, free and on Zoom. Tell me what's going on and get an honest answer about whether the work is a fit. Existing clients book a paid session instead.",
      "offers": {
        "@type": "Offer",
        "price": "0.00",
        "priceCurrency": "USD",
        "availability": "https://schema.org/InStock"
      }
    },
    {
      "@context": "https://schema.org",
      "@type": "Service",
      "serviceType": "Three-Session Package",
      "provider": {
        "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#business"
      },
      "areaServed": {
        "@type": "AdministrativeArea",
        "name": "Miami-Dade County, FL"
      },
      "description": "The path most couples take, three sessions to get the pattern named, interrupted and replaced. Booked as a package rather than one session at a time.",
      "offers": {
        "@type": "Offer",
        "price": "700.00",
        "priceCurrency": "USD",
        "availability": "https://schema.org/InStock"
      }
    },
    {
      "@context": "https://schema.org",
      "@type": "Service",
      "serviceType": "Standard Session",
      "provider": {
        "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#business"
      },
      "areaServed": {
        "@type": "AdministrativeArea",
        "name": "Miami-Dade County, FL"
      },
      "description": "The core coaching session, built for one person working on the relationship, in person or by video.",
      "offers": {
        "@type": "Offer",
        "price": "175.00",
        "priceCurrency": "USD",
        "availability": "https://schema.org/InStock"
      }
    },
    {
      "@context": "https://schema.org",
      "@type": "Service",
      "serviceType": "Extended Session",
      "provider": {
        "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#business"
      },
      "areaServed": {
        "@type": "AdministrativeArea",
        "name": "Miami-Dade County, FL"
      },
      "description": "Ninety minutes for both partners together, with room to work through something bigger.",
      "offers": {
        "@type": "Offer",
        "price": "315.00",
        "priceCurrency": "USD",
        "availability": "https://schema.org/InStock"
      }
    },
    {
      "@context": "https://schema.org",
      "@type": "Service",
      "serviceType": "Marathon Intensive",
      "provider": {
        "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#business"
      },
      "areaServed": {
        "@type": "AdministrativeArea",
        "name": "Miami-Dade County, FL"
      },
      "description": "A single three-hour in-office session for urgent, relationship-threatening situations that need a lot of ground covered in one sitting.",
      "offers": {
        "@type": "Offer",
        "price": "630.00",
        "priceCurrency": "USD",
        "availability": "https://schema.org/InStock"
      }
    },
    {
      "@context": "https://schema.org",
      "@type": "Service",
      "serviceType": "Short Zoom Session",
      "provider": {
        "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#business"
      },
      "areaServed": {
        "@type": "AdministrativeArea",
        "name": "Miami-Dade County, FL"
      },
      "description": "A brief video session for one person, useful between longer sessions.",
      "offers": {
        "@type": "Offer",
        "price": "87.00",
        "priceCurrency": "USD",
        "availability": "https://schema.org/InStock"
      }
    },
    {
      "@context": "https://schema.org",
      "@type": "Service",
      "serviceType": "Long Zoom Session",
      "provider": {
        "@id": "https://parentmarriage.com/#business"
      },
      "areaServed": {
        "@type": "AdministrativeArea",
        "name": "Miami-Dade County, FL"
      },
      "description": "Two hours by video for both partners, a deeper working session without traveling to the office.",
      "offers": {
        "@type": "Offer",
        "price": "420.00",
        "priceCurrency": "USD",
        "availability": "https://schema.org/InStock"
      }
    }
  ],
  {
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
    "itemListElement": [
      {
        "@type": "ListItem",
        "position": 1,
        "name": "Home",
        "item": "https://parentmarriage.com/"
      },
      {
        "@type": "ListItem",
        "position": 2,
        "name": "Micro Cheating Self Check",
        "item": "https://parentmarriage.com/micro-cheating-self-check"
      }
    ]
  },
  {
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@type": "FAQPage",
    "mainEntity": [
      {
        "@type": "Question",
        "name": "Is micro cheating really cheating?",
        "acceptedAnswer": {
          "@type": "Answer",
          "text": "It is not an affair, and it is not nothing. Micro cheating is the small stuff that moves intimacy outside your marriage: secret chats, deleted threads, comfort you go looking for somewhere else. Left alone, it is how emotional affairs usually start."
        }
      },
      {
        "@type": "Question",
        "name": "Is this a diagnostic test?",
        "acceptedAnswer": {
          "@type": "Answer",
          "text": "No. It is a short conversation starter about habits. It does not prove or rule out an affair, and it does not identify any mental health condition."
        }
      },
      {
        "@type": "Question",
        "name": "Should my spouse take it too?",
        "acceptedAnswer": {
          "@type": "Answer",
          "text": "Yes, on their own. Then compare the statements, not the totals. The useful part is finding which behaviors one of you thinks are fine and the other does not."
        }
      },
      {
        "@type": "Question",
        "name": "What counts as crossing the line?",
        "acceptedAnswer": {
          "@type": "Answer",
          "text": "That is for the 2 of you to decide, out loud, before someone tests it. Every couple needs its own fire code for friends, coworkers, exes and social media."
        }
      }
    ]
  }
]
```