Welcome to Parent Marriage Coaching

Are you looking for some help with your marriage but don’t know where to start?

Well, here’s what you should know when choosing to work with Matthew Hoelscher of Parent Marriage Coaching. Generally, I help couples with three main areas of issues with their relationship:

Stage One: Stupid Fights and Arguments

In Stage One, you and your partner are having a lot of crazy fights and arguments. You’re stressed and feeling attacked, and that can spill over into conflict. You feel like your partner doesn’t understand you, will not listen to you, or simply won’t open up and talk to you in the first place. It can be very frustrating!

Arguing excessively over small stuff is the first sign that there are resentments built up in your marriage due to unmet expectations. Because of this, you and your partner’s relationship starts to shut down, and you stop taking loving actions towards each other. 

Understanding your emotions is the number-one thing that I help couples with when opening up their communication. From there, we can move forward to release resentment and get the love flowing. With this strategy, you can rekindle a happy, healthy, emotionally-connected, intimate relationship again!

Stage 2: Infidelity And Betrayal

If the emotional shut down we were talking about in Stage One goes on for too long, you could move into stage two. Here, your emotional disconnect can result in what I call infidelity or betrayal. 

Here, you will go outside of your monogamous relationship to get your needs met. Many people rationalize that it’s okay because, if you get your needs met outside your marriage, you’ll be whole. Therefore, you can stay present for your partner. That can seem like a good idea… until you get caught. At that point, it leads to more severe issues in your marriage.

When the guilt becomes overwhelming and you tell them because you can’t take it anymore, (or your partner finds out by piecing together all the clues), you’ll definitely need to sit down with somebody to resolve what happened. We will go through an accident analysis to identify the problems that led up to your marriage crashing. This step is vital before you get back in the cockpit of your marriage and try to fly again.

Many couples skip this stage, telling themselves, “Oh, we’ll just forget about it. I know the truth. Just move on and pretend it didn’t happen.” Trust me, that doesn’t work! It can create considerable resentment that keeps you from taking loving actions towards each other, preventing you from ever being able to repair your marriage or relationship. 

Stage Three: Should I Stay or Go

If you’ve been through Stage One and Stage Two, you might be calling me at Stage Three, which is where you’re shut down and done. You’re trying to decide if you should stay or go in your relationship. The situation isn’t quite bad enough to divorce your partner but isn’t good enough for you to stay. 

Separation or divorce is a tough decision if you’ve been married for a while, especially if you have kids. Raising children means you’re going to see your partner at least once a week for the rest of your lives. You will be talking with them several times a week until your kids are eighteen. So, yes, while you can divorce them to create space and set new boundaries, you can’t get rid of them. If you both love your kids, you’re never going to live more than 50 miles away from each other. 

So, why not give coaching a chance? Come in, and let’s work on your relationship, resolving all the previous stages. Ideally, this will get you back to your loving relationship, feeling happy and connected again in your marriage.

What I Do As a Marriage Coach

Now, all of this can be tough. One of the things that gives me job security is that we all want novelty. We all want something new. And when you’ve been married long enough, it starts to feel like any partner but yours would be more exciting. It’s a temptation many people indulge in. Later on, however, they wake up and realize, “Whoa, what have I been doing?” They realized that was a mistake, and that they forgot about all the things that they were grateful for in their marriage.

So, as a marriage coach, it’s my job to help you discover those resentments, figure out what’s not working in your relationship, and help you with exercises and coaching to repair your emotional connection and dissolve those resentments. By going through the process, you’ll build awareness in yourself about when new resentments in the relationship start forming. Once you know that, you can stop them from happening, and then you don’t need me anymore! 

Look, I am not a therapist! I do not want to see you every week for the next six months! Nobody’s got time for that. My marriage coaching is intensive. I am blunt, direct, loving, and honest. I want you both to fix your relationship and fix it quickly. 

I usually schedule three 90-minute sessions with my clients. I want to see you, I want to see you about two weeks later for the second session, and finally, two to four weeks for the third session. That’s enough time to coach you on the skills you need to build and maintain a loving marriage. 

The real magic and the valid measure of your success are how committed both of you are to taking those skills out of my office and turning them into habits in your everyday marriage and daily life. If you do that, everything can turn around quickly. If you don’t, if you and your partner don’t do the work, there is nothing that I or anybody else can do to help you. 

See, the big secret of marriage is that… it doesn’t exist. Marriage is just a protected tax status! Since I don’t care how you file your taxes, everything else is a series of commitments you make to each other with the good faith that you’re going to keep those commitments.

Now, at some point, you’re going to break those commitments. You’re not going to meet your partner’s expectations. That’s when you need to communicate and figure out where you went wrong and what new actions you need to take. Then, you can change your actions, and over time, you’ll regain the trust of your partner. With this strategy, you can deepen intimacy and emotional connection in your relationship. 

My role in this is to show you how to fix this. And if deep down, you don’t want to fix it, then I’m going to push you both hard enough that you’ll have a realization and say, “Hey, I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore.” And that’s okay too. 

As your coach, it’s my job to help you solve and fix the marriage that’s in front of me, and I always try to do that first. But the moment one of you raises your hand and says, “Wait, let me off this crazy train! I don’t want to do this anymore!” 

Again, that’s okay.

Of course, we will still have to work on dissolving your resentments, creating a new relationship so that you can be good co-parents if you have kids, or release each other consciously if you don’t. 

Even if we don’t save this relationship, chances are you’re going to have another relationship. You will be able to take these skills and use them in that relationship. In fact, once you’ve mastered these skills, you’ll find yourself using them every day. You’re going to use it in your parenting. You’re going to use it in your leadership. You’re going to use it with your employees. You can even use it on your boss!

Once you learn how to communicate, once you know your expectations and learn how to express them adequately, it helps you in every part of your life. That is the beauty of coaching. 

I’m not a psychologist. I do not diagnose mental health issues. 

If you’re crazy, I am not the person for you. But if you’re like the rest of us and just don’t know what you don’t know, I’m here to fill in the blanks. I can troubleshoot your marriage, figure out what’s missing, and help you solve the missing size of the Rubik’s Cube to get everything back into balance.

So if you’d like to work with me further, my name is Matt Hoelscher with Parent Marriage Coaching. You can visit my website at www.parentmarriage.com and schedule a free 17-minute phone call to discuss your unique situation right now!

If you have any additional questions that weren’t answered in this FAQ, call me up. And if you decide you want to work with me, feel free to schedule a session. I offer a money-back guarantee on the first one. I want you to come in. I want to start the process because that is the only way the three of us will know if this is going to work or not! 

So let’s start. Let’s get started. I look forward to speaking with you soon!