It is so easy to blame your spouse and anything outside of you for all the problems in your life, and to give up to any external that will take it on. It’s lot of work to take responsibility for all that you have created in your life. That is where coaching is so powerful because if you can accept that all your decisions up to this point are what got you here, you have the power to make new decisions and adjustments to get you where you want to go in the new marriage vision you created. You can make new commitments to get you where you need to go.
Doing something “forever” usually requires watering it down and making it vague.
A minute, a day, a week, a year are much more powerful and focused. This also means that it is a good time to take inventory of what not longer serves you and let it go.
When I first met my wife, I was an avid scuba diver. I learned technical diving and cave diving. I had a friend with a private 40 ft yacht that I could drive to in 15 minutes and dove everything within a 1 hour cruise with his boat. Then one day, diving just wasn’t fun any more.
What was a labor of love just became work that I was spending lots and lots of money to do. I didn’t get the “high” feeling anymore, and told my friends I had lost the passion. I kept diving to see if it was a passing phase or a real shift. Once I knew it was a shift, I let it go and told my friends, sold my gear and got out of it.
Many of my friends thought I was crazy.
Diving was a central part of who I am. Everyone assumed I was a lifer. I realized that my releasing diving represented a threat to them. If I lost the feeling, they could lose it too? I had seen other divers get out, usually after a bad experience or close call that would just place all their gear for sale online and stop. It would have been easier to make excuses and do a slow fade away, but I make a point of releasing myself from all my diving activities, so that I could move on with my life.
I wanted to spend more time with my boys. My house needed repairs and updates that were more important to me that spending lots of money of equipment and fills of gasses in my exploration tanks. I shifted, it happened slowly and I went with it. I knew I could always buy more gear and get it back if I really wanted. Instead I used the money to purchase a small Sunfish sailboat for the lake in my backyard. I enjoyed the challenge of learning to sail it and now I’m teaching each of my twin boys to do it. When they are old enough to learn to scuba dive, I have a feeling my passion might be reignited. For now, I do not worry about it I live in the moment and let go of what no longer serves me.
Matthew W. Hoelscher
Head Coach – Parent Marriage Coaching
Phone: 305.986.2905
matt@miamiexecutivecoach.com
www.parentmarriage.com
