Smiling couple holding wedding rings next to each otherMy goal for this relationship guide for marriage is to open your mind past the idea of “traditional” or “normal” marriage. This relationship guide for marriage is about challenging you and your spouse to take full ownership, responsibility and control for your marriage and your personal happiness that stems from it.

  1. You are not the problem, marriage is. There is no diagnosable marriage disorder. There is a huge void of education on communication, intimacy and sexuality. If your marriage isn’t working, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you need to discover what isn’t working and work together. Learning new ways to do that is actually exciting and fun! As long as there is one “green leaf”, you marriage can be saved.
  2. Lack of honesty and the desire to “protect” our partners from our dark sides is the root cause of all relationship issues. We learn early on that to be loved has moral conditions. We lie, cheat and withhold so we always appear morally perfect and worthy of love at all times.
  3. Humans have sex on average 1000 times for every 1 birth. Sex is for pleasure, bonding, and emotional health. Reproduction is a rare benefit. Sex is not for barter or to be used as a form of control. It is possible for every single person to have amazing, passionate, mind-altering sex.
  4. Most marriages can be saved, but not all. You should feel more free in a relationship then if you were single. Marriage is a practice that exists to serve you and make you a better person.
  5. It is absolutely impossible for one person to fulfill all of your needs. Problematically, this is the current model for romantic relationships in our culture. Honestly communicating facts, feelings, and the stories in our mind allows us to create mutually agreed upon physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries that become a healthy, thriving marriage.
  6. Sexual fidelity is an optional part of monogamy, it is not the core concept of any marriage. There are many other options that once presented and explored, allow you and your partner to make a choice instead of just assuming there is something wrong with you because you want something different.
  7. One in four girls and one in six boys are survivors of sexual abuse. The rest were culturally shamed about our sexuality and taught at a very early age to not trust our inner feelings, especially those of pleasure. That creates a citizen that is very receptive to the outside authority of religion, state, and marketing messages that promise to fulfill us with consumption. Regaining the trust of your inner knowing will bring you back into balance.
  8. Everyone should have a relationship with her/his own sexuality completely separate from any other (romantic or otherwise). Your sexuality doesn’t depend on anyone else, and it is a vital part of who you are: it can be a source of power. Marriage can be a tool for deep healing.
  9. The way people give and receive love is different: some people feel loved when they are told aloud; others want to be shown, with touch, gifts or acts of service. People naturally give as they want to receive instead of discovering how to give as their partner wishes to receive.
  10. A feeling of internal peace and balance comes from learning how to unconditionally love ourselves, our family around us, and everyone else in the world. You can’t buy it. You can’t decide it. You can’t just read a book or do a workshop. It requires constant, focused, awareness, and a commitment to practice.

If you need to discuss any of these 10 relationship guides for marriage or need marriage counseling, please contact me now using the big button on the lower right corner of the screen to schedule a free 15-minute phone call.