A good courtship makes a good marriage.
Many people who come to me for premarital coaching and advice, often come to me in the romantic blissful stage of their relationship. They are planning a wedding and often are caught up in the idea and romance of marriage with little real life experience in all that is required
to go through the ups and downs of everyday life with another person.
Most courtships are no less than crushes — an infatuated love. These romantic daydreamers, however, often end up sick and depressed. Because the truth is, that they may never truly understand all that goes into forging two lives together for the long haul.
Premarital coaching involves asking important questions that will help to find out more about the reality of long term relationships. Some of these questions begin with: How well do I really know this person? Am I blinded to personal flaws? How do we manage money together? Why are we planning on getting married?
Your friends or parents may not draw your attention to the dangers in your relationship. It is always wise to take a fresh look at the facts before walking down the aisle. Someone outside of the family can have a clear perspective and offer a more helpful view.
There are many important questions that will affect both individuals being joined together such as:
- Where are we to live?
- How many children shall we have?
- What is each of our roles in our marriage?
- What type of work will we do?
- How are we going to save our money?
- Are there any health issues?
- Do you owe money?
- What are the life or religious beliefs and goals?
- And there are intimacy questions that may need to be addressed.
Are you ready for marriage? There are no trial marriages. This union is for life, and you will go through “tribulations” in the course of the marriage.
My job as a premarital coach is to present realistic guidance and to listen and understand your unique situation.
If there are large differences in your assets and liabilities, it may not be such a hot idea to get a joint bank account. Furthermore, you may want to sign a prenuptial agreement just to be clear about what came before your marriage, and what came after.
How you plan your wedding budget will largely determine how you approach money management as a married couple, in the long term. Wedding costs, by themselves can run up quite a tab. If you are noticing conflicts in the early stages of your joint money management, then financial marriage advice and premarital counseling will be a big help.
Couple coaching can be just as much a part of a healthy marriage as family or financial planning is. It’s a way of ensuring solid communication skills from the get go; and that’s important when debts and assets are about to be split right down the middle.
Being compatible does not mean that you and your partner must agree on everything. Or that your mate should be able to play baseball since you are a baseball star. But if you are miles apart on work, recreation, attitude, and beliefs, you should know that you will have hurdles that need to be addressed.
As one of the leading voices in helping couples define marriage beyond boredom, beyond love, and towards meaningful purpose, I encourage you to contact me for a free evaluation.
